California Health Insurance For All Animals
Paris Hilton was addressing the press conference at a PETA meeting in California – because PETA had just appointed Paris as their spokesperson: “From today, I vow to stop all cruelty to all animals! My ex-pal, Britney Spears, was stoning the dog you see here today, and it is I who first bought the poor dog a California health insurance policy and then brought him to the PETA meeting for all to see!” Paris told the reporters.
“Ms. Paris, according to us a California health insurance policy doesn’t work for dogs, and please tell us why that animal is lying lifeless on your table?” An inquisitive, nosey-parker reporter asked Paris.
“Well, he’s lying lifeless because Britney stoned him to death, Mr. Reporter! And you don’t worry about his California health insurance policy, I’ll get PETA to endorse it to his next of kin!” Paris said, her tone full of contempt.
“Ms. Paris, I see you’re chomping on a burger while talking to us – does it have meat? And, your fur coat – whose skin is it made up of? And your boots – what leather has been used to make them?” The same inquisitive, nosey-parker reporter enquired.
“Listen, I’m chomping on a cheeseburger that called Colonel Kentucky large – I donno what’s in it! Regarding my boots, they are made up of Penguin skin. But that’s okay because penguins are cartoon characters anyway – seen Happy Feet? About my fur coat – it’s made up of dead Walrus skin. You reporters should know that Walrus’ are skinned only after they die, so I guess that’s okay!” An angry Paris shouted back.
At this point all the standing committee of PETA fell down and passed out. Some of them puked out of nausea, some of them developed split personalities and couple of them even committed suicide.
Those
who survived were lucky as they were well covered by California health insurance policies,
which were invoked thanks to that do-gooder, Paris Hilton.